28 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED IN 28 YEARS..

28 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED IN 28 YEARS..

Wow. This year has gone so quick. It only feels like yesterday that I celebrated turning 28 and now, in 24 days, I’ll turn 29 and will be living out my very last year before entering my 30’s.

I spent most of my childhood and teenage-years wishing I was older so I could be taken seriously, and become independent. And now, at 28, all I wish for is for time to slow down. I don’t feel like I’m turning 29 at all, but I do see that time flies the older that I get, and in a way, it scares me, because I feel there are so many things I still want to accomplish, and at times, it frightens me that I may not.

But, for the last three weeks of my 28’s, I wanted to note down 28 Lessons I’ve Learned in 28 Years so that I could keep these with me and spend the remainder more conscious and aware of how far I’ve come in my own life..

Here goes..

#28 – Learn to lift others up instead of tearing them down.

Let’s celebrate each other. Let’s celebrate each others victorious wins and accomplishments. Let’s be supportive and loving of each other. In return, we will receive so much more than we are giving out, like love, admiration, kindness and encouragement.

#27 – Words can hurt more than we know.

As an extension to the above; if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that words can truly hurt – sometimes, much more than a physical punch. Words can leave us with scars on our souls and mentally, it’s something we sometimes carry for the rest of our lives. Choose your words wisely.

#26 – Everything is temporary – you can make it through anything because nothing lasts forever.

As the quote says; “This Too Shall Pass” is as true as it’s simple. No matter what you find yourself in, it will always pass. Any hurt, any anger, any anxious thought you may have, there’s always an end to it. Because nothing is finite.

#25 – Be kind to others. You never know what they are going through or what they have been through.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, and never think you know what someone else is going through until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. We live in a world where painting a pretty picture is as easy as popping up a photo on social media, lathering it with emoji’s and nice words, and people will instantly think you live a perfect life.. It’s very rarely the case, and we should never think that we know someone, just by judging them from what we can see on the outside. Always choose kindness, it’ll come back in multiples.

#24 – Stop worrying. You can only prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Don’t worry (pun intended!), this is a big one for me as well. I’m the queen of worrying. But, the more I look behind what my worries are really about, and even further, how many times I’ve worried and everything’s turned out fine (which is 99% of the time), it’s been time and days wasted sitting curled up in an anxious ball waiting for the moment to pass.. Life is unpredictable, and it comes with uncertainty. That’s a good thing. Our task is to learn how to live through this, and not waste our time by worrying about things we cannot change.

#23 – It’s more important to be happy than to be the best.

I’ve lived more than 2/3’s of my life the other way around.. But it stopped after building myself up again after remission. I realised that things, money, cars wouldn’t ever provide me true happiness. Yes, I still like to have those things, but it’s not my main purpose, you see? Those things come naturally when you’re happy, because you’re attracting it into your lives. I want to live a full life where I’m content and joyful. I don’t need to be the best, I don’t need to be the greatest, I just need to be happy. 

#22 – You cannot change people, you can only encourage them to be better.

I’ve spent many moons wishing and wanting for people to change so that they could fit into ‘my world’. The only thing it did was wasting my time, and causing me hurt.
It’s not our duty, nor our purpose to change people. Our duty is to love them for exactly who they are. We can encourage people to change, to see things differently, to entice their curiosity, but it is never our business to change them. Long lasting changes only come from a deep and personal space within. A true change.

#21 – Longterm relationships only stay longterm if you work on them.

I used to think that if you found ‘true love’ it’d be a given that you’d stay together forever, never have a fight and always be happy as Larry. Golly, did my ‘dreams’ come crashing down when Pash and I started dating.
Relationships take time, dedication and work. You’re bringing together two individuals into a partnership that needs to be combined, and that’s certainly not happening without teething-problems. So, they take work. And compromises. But they’re worth it. I truly believe that a loving, romantic relationship are our biggest teachings here on earth.

#20 – Stop looking for the one and enjoy your life.

To the above; stop looking. Stop it right now. It wasn’t until I stopped searching for a lover, that I found a soulmate. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to find happiness in someone else, that I found it on my own. Enjoy your own time, it’s so invaluable. Things will happen in their own time.

#19 – Your life is going to get exponentially less frustrating when you stop having expectations around people.

No one owes you anything. Not even their time. If that’s disappointing, I’m sorry, but it’s reality. Letting go of expectations on other people is not only freeing for them, but for you as well. You will be a million times more content when you stop believing that you should be able to expect things from other people and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when it suddenly does happen.

#18 – You’re allowed to say YES to things, but more importantly, you’re allowed to say NO as well.

I’m the kween of YES. I have an eternal battle on the inside with myself if I say no to people and/or things. Its something that I still struggle a lot with, but nonetheless something that I’m trying to teach myself. Saying no doesn’t meant that you don’t care or don’t want to help people. it actually means sometimes honouring yourself and your own wishes above other people, and that’s perfectly okay.

#17 – You will never be able to please everyone.

It’s just the nature of the world and how we are as individuals. Don’t ever strive to please everyone, but always strive to please yourself. When you strive to be the very best version of yourself, you give others permission to do the same thing for themselves. Let go of perfection and just be who you love to be – whether you’re everyone’s cup of tea or not is not your business.

#16 – Detect early disordered-eating signs and deal with them as they arise.

This is my biggest regret in life. I wish I would’ve questioned these thoughts, patterns and habits much earlier on in life. I’ve wasted so many years of my life by letting an eating disorder and though-patterns control how it’s lived, and I deeply wish I could go back and talk to my younger self. The sooner you attend to those habits, the less likely they are to grow roots. Allow yourself the love to heal and get better. You deserve it. We all do.

#15 – You’re never a burden & people out there want to help you.

My biggest fear in life is being a burden to people. Growing up I always felt like I was burdening my parents with my depression and anxiety. I was never the ‘easy’ kid. And I took it into my adulthood. I very often apologise and excuse myself a lot, and I know it’s something that I always will need to work on. You’re not a burden when you ask people for help. You’re not a burden for wanting to get better. If you have problems – mentally or physically – there are people out there to help you. Let them. Whether they’re friends of professionals they are there to help carry you when you cannot walk the walk yourself.

#14 – You are worthy. And you matter.

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” Always keep this with you. You matter. You are worthy. Of everything. Of Love. Of Live. Of Joy. Don’t ever think that you are not. No matter where you are at in life or what you are going through. You always matter.

#13 – Chasing your dreams are everything but glamorous. But it’s worth it.

It’s scary. It’s worrying. It’s uncertainty every single day. But, chasing your dreams and finding what really sets your soul on fire, makes all those things so worth it. It’s not easy, but once you get a taste of what life can be – vibrant and real – it’s really hard to quit. And very often, what you’re chasing, is your actual purpose here on earth.

#12 – Spiritual one day and human the next.

And that’s OKAY. The other day I meditated morning and afternoon, I studied my ‘A Course In Miracles’, I journaled and I said my prayers.. Today, I didn’t meditate. I did pilates instead of yoga, I listened to music instead of reading and I spent a lot of time on my laptop and phone.. Point in case is that we live in a world where spiritual very often comes up, but I do challenge the definition of spiritual. Just because you do ‘human’ thing sand you get caught up in life, it doesn’t mean that you can have a flexible spiritual practice and dedication. Stop setting boundaries and limitations as to what you can or can’t do – just let yourself flow through the rhythm of life.

#11 – Strive to be a better version of yourself every single day.

Every day is a new chance to do something great and make an impact in this world. You can improve and be a better version of yourself than yesterday. The day I stop learning and growing as a human being, I’m dead. It really is that simple. Work hard to always better yourself and don’t be afraid to try new things that come your way.

#10 – Don’t forget your family.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. They’ve put me through some hardship, but that’s why I am the way I am today. Sometimes it’s hard to find the time for everything, especially when I’m living on the other side of the world and want to make more impact in the world with what I do, but it’s all about finding the right balance and working on the right things at the right time. I’ve had to learn to let go of many things, and realise that my parents (especially) always did their best with what they had or the way that they were taught. It brings a lot of freedom.

#9 – No one is in charge of your happiness besides from yourself.

If you expect other people to make you happy, you’ll be waiting a long time. It is never other peoples responsibility to make you happy. It is that of your own. Seeking happiness in others or materialism is a fake sense of happiness that’ll only last so long, until it’s taken away from us once again, and our face is down in the dirt. Seek to find your own joy, and build it stronger every day. I still work on it, but with time we can learn that we are always okay and we are always in our natural state of happiness on the inside.

#8 – Good things take time. But, also, don’t just sit on your arse and wait around.

Yes, patience is a virtue and good things take time. But that doesn’t equal just sitting around and waiting for them to happen. Take charge in your own life. Matter of a fact is that no-one else will care as much about yourself and your life as you do. So, get off your arse and make things happen for YOU.

#7 – Have faith in that what is meant for you will find its way.

For me, there’s something very comforting in surrendering to the fact that the universe conspires to help the dreamer. I truly believe that what is meant for me will always find its way. Maybe not in the exact way that I expected it to, or even through the timeline I set, but the universe makes no mistakes. It is here to serve us for our greater purpose.

#6 – Don’t let yourself go in relationships. Always stay true to who you are.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t change or compromise or make a relationship work. But it does mean that you should never let yourself go or your happiness in order to stay in a relationship. It’s only recently that I’ve realised that there are things I’m not doing anymore because I’ve fell into the comfortability of being in a relationship and that is not okay. Keeping true to who you are, and who your partner fell in love with to start with is important to any relationship, and it should be important to you, too. Let relationships make you flourish, instead of giving up yourself.

#5 – True friends will be there through everything. And I do mean everything.

With so may years on my back now, I’ve definitely gone through a lot of friendships. Some of them I still have today, and they are as strong as titanium, but others have passed away – both naturally through changing times and personalities, whilst others have been over disagreements or mistakes. But true friends, who truly, madly, deeply love and care about you and your wellbeing will always find time and a day to be there for you whether it’s through tears or laughter, sickness or health. Hold those close to your heart and never let them go.

#4 – Making mistakes are part of life, but bettering them is too.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Thousands of mistakes. And up until 6 years ago, I probably wasn’t that interested in pulling up the past and making them right.. But, now I am. Because I believe in karma, I believe in love, I believe in kindness. That doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes in those 6 years – I’ve probably made many more. But still, I want to be better. I want to make right where I’ve made wrong. And I will continue to do so until the day I die. Some things take time. That’s okay. Just start today.

#3 – Comparing yourself will get you nowhere.

Oh gosh, I can actually spend hours doing this. Why don’t I have this, or why am I not as far as he or she is, why can’t I go where they went. Comparison is the thief of joy, as Roosevelt once said. Instead of chasing what you truly want, you’ll find yourself feeling horrible, insignificant and like you’re not good enough, when really, it’s simply because we are all different and on different paths. Also, as to another point, remember that you don’t always get the whole scope just from seeing something from the outside. Stop comparing and spend that time chasing your passion!

#2 –  You are not always going to like everyone you meet.

Not vibing someone or not wanting to have them in your life does not make you mean or a bad person. It’s okay to just feel like your energies don’t match. Everyone you will ever meet are not all meant to have a place and space in your heart or life. But, you do need to always treat them with politeness and courtesy, even when you possibly at times feel like they aren’t deserved of it. And even so, everyone deserve the benefit of the doubt.

#1 – Love is everything and always will be the key to everything.

Love. Such a simple word, but it has to many meanings and so much impact. Love has been and still is, one of the biggest learnings and lessons for me in this world. I am still learning to love myself. For who I am, for what I’m not, and for what I may or may never become. I’m learning that love is always the answer to anything I encounter. If I can look through the lense of love in anything I do, in anything I say, in anything I encounter, I truly believe that my human body and soul can provide an impact in this word – however large or small that one might be. But love is the key to everything I’ve ever wanted in myself and in the world.

Happiest of Birthdays to myself on 19th October.

Caroline xx