10 THINGS PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP

I always used to think that when you found love, and might I add, the right kind of true love, that a relationship would be easy.. But, oh boy, have I now been proven wrong.

I’ve been with Pash for almost 10 months, and those 10 months have been filled with unconditional love, laughter and intimacy, but they’ve certainly also been full of hardship, indifferences and discussions.

I thought I’d keep it real (as always..) and note down 10 Things People Don’t Tell You About Being In A Relationship because it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone and that someone’s high-reel isn’t always a true representation of their entire relationship.

Here goes..

#1 – You’ll question everything you ever believed to be true about yourself:

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; quite frankly, I think it’s a wonderful thing. But maybe don’t ask me about this when Pash questions my habits or reasonings behind a decision..

But, when you join forces with a partner, it brings up questions within yourself when they very truthfully share their views on what you think, what you decide or how you act. You learn to adapt and take someone else’s opinion into consideration and you question whether you were right all along or if there’s a different angle you should explore?

Perhaps you might even learn a new thing or two..

#2 – Communication is key:

Always kept everything to yourself? In a relationship; forget about it. Always been on the fence and kept your guards up? Also; forget about it.

Communication in a relationship truly is the key to a healthy partnership. The reason so many misunderstandings occur between you and your partner is because you don’t talk to each other. And I don’t just mean telling each other what you had for lunch on any given day.

While you might find it difficult to talk about your feelings and vulnerabilities, it’s imperative that you do and find comfortability in sharing these with your partner.

#3 – You will fight.. and sometimes; ALOT!:

People think that the perfect relationship never endures fights or disagreements, but – I’m sorry to burst your bubble – that is so not true.

As much as you may be perfect for each other and share the same values, there’ll still be degrees of disagreements within those and then there are the fights that are just plain stupid like “why did you leave the dishes in the sink for me to clean?” or the more emotional ones like “why do you want to spend more time with your mates than me?”..

And to be honest; most of the time when you fight it’s actually out of neediness or that you feel a lack of love from your partner. Picking a fight brings attention to the relationship – not the good kind though – but sometimes the ego doesn’t care.

Just make sure that you can discuss the issue that’s arisen and kiss it out in time.
And, never, ever, go to bed angry with each other.

#4 – Intimacy (read; sex) is important – and sometimes, it’ll be on the backburner:

SEX.. It’s amazing and great and hot and sweaty and all the right things when you meet each other and you can’t stand to be even two minutes apart before you rip each other’s clothes off..

Hey, we are all there when we start dating someone. It’s just the nature of something new, exciting and different. But, what people don’t tell you is that you have to work at keeping that fire alive between you.

It’s SO easy to slip into comfortability and mundanity once the honey-moon period is over. Also; don’t worry, because we all find ourselves there at some point, it’s unavoidable because LIFE HAPPENS and so does every-day life things.

Just make sure you carve out time to be intimate with each-other.
It’s certainly not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is still essential that you have physical contact with your partner and most importantly; that you enjoy it.

#5 – You’ll compare your relationship to others –  A LOT:

Ahh, this is the never-ending story of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side‘ and boy isn’t that NOT TRUE. 

Don’t believe me? Just try to have a girls-night with your girlfriends, open a bottle of wine and discuss relationships – you’ll quickly realise that they are facing all of the same relationship-issues that you and your partner are. True story!

We also live in a society where Social Media is right at our hand, and scrolling endlessly on Instagram and seeing pretty (setup) photos of couples travelling the world, and loving the heck out of each other can really quickly get the better of you. Stop it. Right NOW!. Put down the phone.

Let’s water our own grass and find ways to be better humans and partners without comparing ourselves to people we know nothing about. And; appreciate what you have. Let go of ‘what if’s’ and ‘something better might come along’. This is the best for you. Right in this moment. There’s a reason why you’re in this relationship and why it’s serving you the way it is.

#6 – You have to learn how to compromise:

There’s really no way around this one. Trust me; I’ve already tried (approximately 100.000.000 times) and it’s gotten me nowhere.

Relationships are all about compromising and coming to mutual and respectful decisions that benefits both of you, but still keep your core values in-tact.
It’s a fine line of balance but it’s definitely achievable.

If you’re anything like me, I suggest you leave your princess-crown at the door and surrender to the relationship. It’ll save you a heck of a lot of time, tears and it’ll allow you to keep that frown upside-down.

#7 – You need to stop taking yourself so seriously:

Life is meant to be fun and silly and goofy and not be taken so seriously, but in between trying to pursue our dreams, succeeding at work and making our opinions heard in the world, we forget to leave this seriousness by the door, and put on our happy and silly-pants when it comes to relationships.

The first few months of our relationship, Pash basically spent breaking down my ‘seriousness-wall’.
I thought that a grown-up, longterm relationship meant being serious and ‘deep’ at all times, but I soon came to find that it was so boring.

Now, I’m so giddy and silly and it brings so much joy to our relationship but also to myself, personally.

#8 – Forgiving is crucial:

If you think that your partner is perfect, forget about it. Do you think you’re perfect? Yeah, nah. No one is, and the sooner you realise that, the better you’ll be at forgiving and forgetting.

If your partner does something that hurts you, you should communicate about it and work out a solution together. I’m the best person in the world to hold onto things that I’m disagreeing on or when we’ve had a fight (I really am!), but forgiveness and the ability to let things go is crucial which is something that I continue to learn how to do eloquently.

#9 – It’s not always about you:

You have to learn how to put yourself aside at times, so that your partner can thrive.

This doesn’t mean that your partner should fully neglect you and forget you exist, but it does mean that sometimes you have to let him do certain things and accept less time with your partner, so that he or she can pursue their dreams or, more simply, just go out with friends to get a break from the relationship.

It doesn’t mean the relationship is lacking, that it’s loveless or it’s fading out; it just means that we all need space to ourselves sometimes, and that’s ok and perfectly normal.

#10 – You’ll get jealous, even if you aren’t the jealous type:

I’m not the jealous type.. There, I said it. But then again, I am. However, I only ever found myself jealous in past relationships because the underlying gut-feeling of cheating was there, which I later found out to be true (from their side)..

However, this time around, I have no fear of Pash cheating on me. Whether it’s because I’m more comfortable with myself, his amazing personality and qualities or just for the pure sake of ‘what’s the point of worrying about something you have no control over?’, I’m not entirely sure, but that said, I have found myself becoming jealous (very rarely) in different ways..

Like; when he chooses to see his friends over me. Or when he sometimes goes to see his family and doesn’t invite me along (heck, we all need alone-time – refer to #9) or when he’ll go above & beyond to help a stranger, but forgets about me at times..
Those feelings will occur, and I think it’s impossible to never have them.

Good thing is, the happier I am with myself and the more we communicate, the more these feelings are far and in-between. But, I do think a little jealousy can sometimes be okay – it makes you appreciate what you have.

Most importantly – LOVE.

It can endure a lot if you work on yourself every single day, and find gratitude in each other.

What are your views on relationships? Share them with me in the comments below x