Why I’m sharing my personal cancer journey.

“But what if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”

photo 1-21

If you follow me on my Instagram or Facebook Page you will most likely have seen that I chose to share with you all last week that I, a few weeks ago, was diagnosed with my 2nd round of cancer.

I had for about 7-8 weeks prior to this, and prior to my business trip to London, felt quite sick – I was exhausted, not sleeping, stressed, my skin was breaking out and I started getting a really bad throat with one of my lymph nodes being severely infected and swollen. I first thought I had caught the flu, and I was still trying to amend my heartaches, so being away on business and back visiting my families I was pounding through and trying to put away the darker thoughts I had of ‘what if something is wrong?’.

I thought to myself this couldn’t be the case.I was exercising, being mindful of my thoughts, my heart and body, eating healthy and surrounding myself with family and friends. But I kept having this nagging feeling that something just wasn’t quite right. I kept being tired 24/7, I kept being exhausted and I kept being sick, not to mention I lost a staggering 5 kilos easily – there was more to this than just catching the flu. A few weeks ago I decided to consult my GP about my concerns and my swollen lymph node in my throat – he was very wary and instantly prescribed heavy antibiotics to see if this would help on the swollen lymph node in my throat. Unfortunately it didn’t. In the mean-time I was sent for more blood-tests and multiple scans while I was also getting a biopsy done of my lymph node in my throat to detect any cancer cells.

When my blood-tests came back they were already looking bad, and so going in to get the test-results of my biopsy was only a confirmation of my worst fears and what I knew – that they had detected malignant cancer-cells in the swollen lymph-node in my throat which was the size of a small marble glass-ball.

I remember I felt like I was being punched in the stomach and gasping desperately for air, that my heart was ripped out my chest and falling to the ground. I felt so defeated, so small, like all light was being blocked out for me to see.

It took me a while to come to terms with that I’m now sick again, however it’s not like the last time. My doctor’s are really positive they removed it all when I had surgery on Friday.

Now, the pointe in this blog-post is why I’m sharing my cancer journey with you all. I’m sure a lot of people would be thinking somewhere in the lines of attention, wanting people to feel sorry for her, etc. however this is NOT the reason why I’m choosing to share such a personal and hurtful journey with you.

The reason why I’m sharing my journey with you all is because of this; when I went through cancer the last time I was struggling. Before the cancer, during the cancer, and in the time after – because I never shared my innermost thoughts and battles with anyone. Not even my psychologist. When I decided to create this forum, Instagram and Facebook and share my journey, hoping it will help other people whether they’re going through this themselves or are affected by cancer whether it’s a friend or family, it helped me too. It helped me be more open about things I have never been open about before. I’ve always been closed off and a very emotional person, I still am, but I’m more comfortable with showing this side of me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and often I get hurt, but I also experience true happiness this way. The other reason why I’m sharing this is because I hope to inspire everyone to take better care of their bodies. When you feel like something is wrong, please do go and see someone. Don’t ignore the warning signs your body is giving you. I’m hoping to inspire you to live a healthier, more mindful and positive life because it makes such a difference.

I’m really positive, but I’m not going to lie – I’m also deadly terrified. We think we know the future, but suddenly and instantly it changes – sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse. I’m trying to hold my head high, but I’m also crying in my friends arms. I’m trying to be strong, but I’m also falling to pieces when I see my parents cry. I’m trying to fill my heart with light, but it’s also dark sometimes. I have good days and I have bad days – and I have to accept this.

This is why I’m always telling you all to please tell the people around you how much you love them. Tell them that they make you smile, how grateful you are for their presence, the way they turn your frown upside down, the way you feel when you’re being held in their loving and warm arms – you have no idea how much this can make a difference in your life, because you never ever know when that person may be taken away from you. We think we know what the future holds for us, but it can change in a second. Don’t ever forget that.

With the support from my friends and family and a positive mind, I know that I will be ok again. With time I’ll be stronger and wiser.

All my love, Caroline xx

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12 Comments

  • Hi Caroline!

    I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. You are so inspiring and I admire your strength. Keep your head up, you are amazing! <3

  • Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this news! I think you are so brave for not only having to once again fight off cancer, but for sharing it with us. Why anyone would think you would do this for attention or sympathy is beyond me, but I know there are people out there who think such negative thoughts.
    I know your positivity and life outlook will get you through – and you have such a great community behind you. Kia Kaha! x

  • Hi Caroline,

    You are so so brave! I am sending you my love and well-wishes!

    Congrats on winning the Lifestyle category AND the David Jones Extraordinary blogger! I wish I had some time to talk to you at the Blogger breakfast :(

    Lots of love xxxx

    • Hi Mel! Aw, thank you for your comment. What a star you are – thank you for your well wishes and your love, I so appreciate it. What a shame, I’m so sorry about that too! Please do let me know if you’re ever in Bondi and we can catch up for a juice, breakfast or something :) Caroline xx

  • Hi Caroline!
    I follow you on Instagram and have long admired your wonderful and positive outlook despite having been through some tough times. I think it is really brave of you to share your story and I am positive it will help others.
    Cancer is a horrible illness and I lost my godfather to it (he had throat cancer which went into remission but came back). I have so much admiration for your positivity and I wish you so much luck in defeating it!
    Alice x

    • Alice, thank you SO much for taking the time to write such a lovely comment, it truly means a lot to me and thank you for your support, both here and on Instagram. I’m so so sorry to hear about your godfather, it’s such a horrible disease that can take our loved ones away from us instantly. I wish you all the very best. Caroline xx

  • Hi Caroline,
    don’t ever feel others think you try to get attention with your blog. Your blog is written beautifully. It’s honest, raw and real. My heart goes out to you and I admire your strength.

    With warm regards

    Mel xxx

  • Hi Caroline,
    I follow you on instagram and just found your side. You are wonderful and I am so happy for your progress🙏You are a fighter and doing sooooo well, carry on and be happy.
    I also had cancer at the age of 16 „melanoma“ and suffered of depression and anxiety. I am almost 41, still having problems with anxiety but more positive and focussed.
    I just wanted to say that I think our thoughts have a major impact on cancer cells. When I got cancer I had just gone through a very bad depression, I somehow connect the two. I am also very skinny and I think when the body is low of vital energy, the cancer cells go wild😏
    I am actually not a very positive person, but I have been training my mind to think more positive. Do you have a book you could recommend me for more positive thinking?
    Your posts are always very inspiring and I am so grateful I found you🙏
    Please keep on doing what makes you happy, i think that does a lot to our health.
    Sending you a big hug from Germany 🇩🇪
    Wish you all the best and lots of❤️❤️❤️
    Greetings Nathalie
    Instagram visinoni.n

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