I’m sitting here on a plane back to Sydney from Copenhagen working on my laptop. I’ve been doing Q&A’s interviews for the past 3 hours now when the subject of ‘love’ came up in one of them.
What is love? Can it ever really be defined? What about heartache? They tend to go hand-in-hand.
We say love hurts, but that’s not true – it’s the betrayal, the disappointment and the ‘being left’-part that really breaks our hearts, isn’t it?Love itself doesn’t hurt – I think everyone that have ever been in love would agree it’s the utmost best feeling anyone could ever be blessed enough to feel.
I have been hurt more than once, twice, three times, and, unfortunately, just recently – heck, I’ve probably been hurt more than what I can count on my own two hands. The first few times, I was very young – teenager – but I also grew up very quickly and matured at a young age. Part of this is probably because my parents got divorced when I was only 9 years old. It wasn’t common back then and it forces you to grow up a lot quicker than others. However, I don’t count those relationships as love, but it still scarred me because they treated me very poorly.
It took me many years to trust just a little bit again and let my guards slightly down. I wouldn’t just do it for anyone. I’ve always known what I wanted in a guy and I would never settle. I want mad, passionate, crazy love – and if it’s not like that, I’d rather live my life alone. Simple as that.
I consider myself lucky to have been in love twice in my life, because I don’t think it’s everyone who’s fortunate enough to experience that. I still battle with my insecurities of letting people too close to my heart because I’m absolutely terrified of being hurt and left. It’s something I’m working on every single day. Recently I did so and was burnt very badly, but as many scars as my heart may have, I will always be a hopeless romantic & never give up on love. One day, I will understand how to appreciate the person he was in my life and what this relationship had to teach me.
“and in the end, letting go was a lot like finding love.
I had to learn to say goodbye to the one
who gave me the courage to say hello.”
How is it so many women never give up on love? I see so many women being absolutely defeated, living with a broken heart and a broken spirit because of a guy. Have you ever seen a woman with a deeply wounded heart? It’s one of the darkest things you can ever experience. Still, we keep searching for love even though we never know if it will last or break.
I believe women live a much more vivid life than men do – I believe men live in a world that’s more black and white which makes it easier for them to cut it off and let go of a person they may have feelings for.
Women experience everything differently – we don’t just see the world in all color-scales, we feel it so deeply in our hearts and that’s probably why our highs are so high, but our lows are so dark. It hurts in a way I can’t describe in words, and I wish for the world that guys could sometimes be more considerate of this fact.
We won’t ever forget what happened to us, or how you hurt us. We may forgive, but we will never forget. We carry the hurt with us through the rest of our lives as a gentle reminder of how amazing, but also how tough and hurtful loving someone can be. And this will ultimately bring more barriers the next guy will have to conquer. The walls grow higher and stronger every day – at least for me they do.
I will always have scars on my heart, not just from the two loves that were in my life that have broken my spirit, but also from very tough times I’ve had to go through like cancer and other personal matters I won’t dive into, but I won’t give up. I refuse to let anyone take away my belief that something wonderful can be created and last between the right two people..
So, with these words I finish my view on the subject of love. Remember this; if you, as a guy, ever fall in love with a woman with a scarred heart, value that dearly – because she will never put you through the pain she has suffered & she will always stand by your side if you treat her the way she deserves. This, I’m almost as certain about as the sun will surely rise again tomorrow.
All my love, Caroline xx